He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
