also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
