Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
