Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize