i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
