I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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