That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
