right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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