The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
