You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
