I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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