So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize