Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
