Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
