make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
