Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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