and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
