A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
