I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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