mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
