I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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