I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
