I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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