so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
