I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
