I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
