Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
