So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
