Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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