Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
