I wannas sexs uuuuu
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
