No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
