This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
