Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
