Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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