nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
