guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
