I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
