Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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