The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
