I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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