Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Damn victory sex feels great
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
