I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
