It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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