Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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