dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
