Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
