I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
