even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
