Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize