Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
