He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
