I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
