so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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