she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
