I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
