she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize