I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
