I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
