Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
