I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
