I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
ttyl tear gas
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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