You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
