There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
