I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
