Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
