That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
