I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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