I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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