Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my sisters under your porch take her home
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
