So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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