Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
