Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
