I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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