We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize