i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize