I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
