I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize