Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
