There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
