when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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