So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
